Further Interviews with The Tea-Party People. I'm Scared.
These are the official Merriam-Webster Dictionary definitions of each of these philosophies.
An economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by prices, production and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by competition in a free market.
Any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods. ** A system of society or group living in which there is no private property. ** A system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state. ** A stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between Capitalism and Communism and distinguished by the unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done.
From the Italian Fascismo, from Fascio - meaning bundle, fasces or group. From Latin Fascis - bundle. - A political philosophy, movement or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation , and forcible suppression of opposition. * A tendency towards or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control.
Concentration of economic controls and planning in the hands of a highly centralized government often extending to government ownership of industry.
A theory advocating elimination of private property. * A system in which goods are owned in common and are available to all as needed. * A doctrine based on revolutionary Marxian socialism and Marxism-Leninism that was the official ideology of the Union of the Soviet Socialist Republics. * A totalitarian system of government in which a single authoritarian party controls state-owned means of production. * A final stage of society in Marxist theory in which the state has withered away and economic goods are distributed equitably.
Not sure what all those political terms mean? Let the goats educate you!
Goat Politics: A Satirical Look at Government Structures
by Laura Dawn LewisTaken From: http://www.couplescompany.com/FEATURES/politics/Structure4.htm
SOCIALISM: You have two goats. You keep one and give the other to your neighbor and the government keeps any kids, (no one goat herder can be richer than the next)..
COMMUNISM: You have two goats. The Government takes your goats and shares the milk with you and your neighbor but rations the wool at exorbitant prices and then forces you to cut any clothing made in half to share with the rest of the population.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two goats and your neighbor has two cows. The ruler decides since the goats aren't producing enough milk or wool and “Baa” each time he passes, there is a goat conspiracy. He orders all goats killed and creates new anti-goat laws. Since you tend goats, you are also considered an enemy of the state. One night you and your goats’ carcasses disappear never to be seen again. The next day the dictator changes the law. A bull charges him. Cows are now conspirators. That night your neighbor disappears and his cows are shot. Since the dictator has killed all of the milk sources he develops osteoporosis and blames the doctors. Doctors are now outlawed and considered conspirators.
MONARCHY: The king owns a herd of goats. By decree you are responsible for two goats. The king keeps all the milk, wool and any kids your goats have and sells the proceeds back to you at a steep mark-up. You then pay the king a tax for the privilege of caring for his goats on his lands and if you do a good job and don't cause trouble, he lets you stay. If you cause trouble, fail to pay his taxes or he is unsatisfied with your work, he takes his goats, locks you in prison and throws your family off his land.
FASCISM: You have two goats. You give the milk to the government. The government turns around and sells it back to you at a 400% mark-up, but only if you are the "right" kind of human being. If you're the wrong kind, not only will you have to buy the milk back at a 400% mark-up, you'll need to survive a walk through a mine field, numerous checkpoints and escape the refugee/concentration/internment camp to claim it.
CAPITALISM: You have two goats. You sell one, leverage the other and use the proceeds to invest in bulls.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two goats. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk, who gets the wool, whether each becomes community property. As you all have just one vote, they can vote to reallocate your goats to another person without justification or reason simply because your neighbors don't like your new hairstyle.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two goats. Together with your neighbors you elect one person to represent the interests of the group. This representative proposes and passes legislation that determines who gets the milk, who gets the wool and how much you owe the government for the privilege of owning goats. If you're lucky the person you all elected will think the same as you and let you keep your goats without taxing them to the point you can no longer afford to keep them.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two goats if you vote a certain way. After the election the president is impeached for speculating in goat futures. The press dubs the scandal "Goatgate" and you are taxed for capital goat-gains on each hypothetical goat you were promised but never received. Since you can't pay on paper goat gains, the IRS seizes your property and places a lean on all future goats, thus recycling you through the state welfare system where you finally receive your goat.
ANARCHY: You have two goats. Your neighbors conspire to set you up. You are arrested by the secret police and never seen again. Meanwhile your neighbors steal your goats.